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KILLER MATH

The math of mass shootings




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MY FUNERAL

   No, I am not suicidal, not depressed, and not facing ill health or crisis.  Maybe, like not grocery shopping when you are hungry, maybe now is a good time to talk about death and our after life "wishes".  I have often made the satirical humorous remark: What happens after you die? They just hire someone else.  I love that truth packed statement.  But, what is a life.  There is more to life than just the dates, the most important is the dash.  All the experiences acquired are summed up in a little "dash" between those two dates of our birth and passing.  I see "death" as when we are 'forgotten' and no longer recalled.  I may not remember every tiny experiential detail of everyone I ever met, but there are many many times through out the day when sights, sounds, smells evoke a person's influence in my life.  I believe we all struggle as individuals to somehow contribute that one amazing thing into the experience of others.  Yet let us not neglect to recall that it is exactly "the others" about us that influence, guide and shape who we ourselves 'were'.
(This is very much like the one we picked out).

   We speak the name of a celebrity and instantly we are flooded with emotional responses; least of which is our own compassion among them and we are made to feel somehow less than they.  Who was I?  I can only have been me, and hope some of my behaviors, deeds and words were a positive influence on others.  I am not really sure of what all the perceived impressions are about who I am or what influence I was on others.  But for me personally, my biggest source of pride is; that I was a servant.  I tried in my own, behind the scene, "extra" in the background blur of life to be an important 'prop' to everyone else.

   When I was a child my dad gave us a Bible verse to memorize, and mine was Colossians chapter Three verse twenty-three; with it, my path was set.   As a child was I "the doorman" at our place of worship.  I mowed yards, worked years in Fast Food, served as a Chaplain's ASSISTANT in the National GUARD, work for the state SUPPORTIVE living center, was for years as the CAREGIVER for my disable wife.  So, looking back over my own life all I see was "a servant".

   Religion touts a thousand different roads, each spreading their own agendas, but the honesty of any religious path's core should be that of "servant-hood".  To GOD (the gods) and then vicariously exemplified into the lives of others about us.  I asked Brother Bounds, an 80 year old senior, who had memorized the Bible, and one of my most beloved mentors: "What was the meaning of Life?"  His simplistic answer again resounded servitude into my ears, "The meaning of life is 'Relationships'. Whether it's sixty seconds at the bus stop or sixty years with a loved one; we all desire to give back and make them better."  My heart-felt desire in life has been nothing less that, "giving back and making things better".  I have not always been perfect in achieving the ends of that purposeful goal in my life, but I hope I have not neglected nor strayed far from trying.

   Everyone I have ever met, I viewed as being so much above me, others were always 'better than me'.  Yet the older and hopefully more mature, hopefully wiser I have grown; I see all this time they have only been "different" not 'better'.  Different is good.  I would love to give even a frail thumbnail list of some of the people who have influenced my life and directions, but I would sorely be leaving someone out or not crediting them with enough of what I took and learned from their example.  I will say, I'm sorry I never said "I love you" and "thank you" enough.  More importantly, my prayer is that I showed them how precious they were to me.  I never had money, when I did it was spent on others and rarely on myself; which brought a better happiness to me.  Seems I always spread myself too thin, my regret (if any) is that I wish I had given more.  From today onward let me not neglect in doing so.

   I scribbled my thoughts with words in an effort to craft stories, many unfinished but all with the intent of thinking beyond the box of complacency and what if life isn't what we believed the moments were really about?  I liked writing things that had the reader wondering what came next.

   At my death, and passing from this life filled with experiences I want to be remembered.  Just remembered, as you see fit; because your version was probably the truth.  Our lives are made up of slices and views and bits and pieces of choices and consequences that are layered if not building toward - something.  What will my Obituary say about me? Who will write it? What was MY LIFE about?  Thank you all for being a part of my experience, my relationship with you was momentous, for you were an amazing slice I enjoyed with ever fiber!

A Servant's Prayer

   I am to be cremated.  The urn, and funeral plan have already been purchased (locked away in a safe box in the living-room).  I would love DUST IN THE WIND, and BREAK EVERY CHAIN, played.....(and of COURSE this one!!!)  Maybe some will be sad, but I would love to hear laughter and jokes shared and the silly things told; I had joy, I had hope, I had love, I had peace in this experience... and after this post I pray to go on crafting the rest of my own personal story.





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Bed Bugs!!!


BED BUGS are disgusting, and embarrassing to mention; but you know what, the heck with it.  The human experience seems frustrating irritating when it come to "re-inventing the wheel". What I mean by that is, by the time we figure something out on our own in secret, on in a whisper side story everyone else went through it in private pain.

   A while back I visited my sister in Abilene, and we stayed at a hotel there.  Not great, not horrible; okay and a little older establishment - run of the mill accommodations.  Did not notice it at the time but after a while the irritation got worse and worse and then one day I saw a "flat tick" and all the time I thought the dogs "might have flees" come to find out we had Bed Bugs!
 *sigh* I pray no one goes through this; if you have please share an experience of how to get rid of them and your situation of enduring.




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Because of HIM No more Fear






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The Secret Dead


   A long while back I began writing a "Murder Mystery" story, and never finished it.  My wife loves this kind of stuff and encouraged me to complete this one.  Actually I thought I had deleted it all but I came across an old file and the idea and details came flooding back to me.

SPOILER ALERT: A serial killer's diary is discovered and an unforeseen twist in the end.
   DEAD SECRETS
   A week had gone by before the Coroner finally released her husband’s body to the local Funeral Home; a single gun shot to the head confirmed what she had seen for herself -- a suicide. Jillian would never forget finding George slumped over on the blood soaked couch with brain matter splattered against the wall. Nor would she be able to erase having to clean it all up herself.
   Next to a pile of bills and collection notices on the coffee table lay George’s final note; which read: “It all got out of hand and I’m so sorry, but I can’t stop.”
   George’s gambling debts had drained their joint bank accounts, and now Jillian was left holding several unpaid Payday loans. She lost her land line, Cable, and her utilities were being threatened with getting shut off as well. Now, she had to wait for his Insurance policy to kick in from the Post Office, and pay for his cremation. Their eight months of marriage had not seen them do anything more than verbally plan for their future old-aged deaths. Hence the wait began.
   Two days after they took George’s body away, Jillian couldn’t stomach staying at home by herself, and had not quite busied herself with going through his belongings or deciding on what to do with them yet, so she took a long walk. Spencer, her Brittney Spaniel was more than eager for his walk.
   A stone’s throw from their apartment complex was an undeveloped wooded area near a community park, and that’s where Jillian found herself heading. Spencer excitedly tugged at his leash wanting to be released, but Jillian smiled, “Hold up, boy.” Upping her stride to keep pace with him they continued along the curvatures of the winding sidewalk’s path. Three nanny’s with strollers watched their children at play on the ground’s equipment. At the other end of the park a group of men played their friezbee golf, as a middle aged woman was being pulled along by her own pack of twelve dogs. Crazy dog-walkers, go figure, Jillian thought to herself as Spence sniffed for a place to do his business near the wooded area’s tree line.
   Jillian came here every evening after work to walk Spencer, and it was the very place where she first met George, and where he had later proposed marriage to her. It had been their special place, and now that he was gone memories was all she had left. Something in the wooded area on her right caught her attention. Glancing up, she could have sworn she saw George.
   He was quickly walking away from her along a parallel pathway in the woods. She suddenly found herself calling his name out. Even more astounding was when he turned around. It was George!
With wide eyes, Jillian gasped and yelled, “Why the hell did you do it, George?”
   He said nothing. Spencer looked up at her cocking his head, questioning her tone of voice. Checking her dog for any validation that she wasn’t crazy, Jillian looked back into the now empty woods.
   The dog-walker came up from behind her and asked, “I’m sorry what did you say?”
Blushing Jillian quickly replied, “Sorry. I -- Just thought I saw someone I knew.” Then abruptly turned away and headed home crying.
 



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WINDOWS MOVIE MAKER

I recently had Windows 10 upgraded Free on my Computer, but it did not come with Windows Movie Maker.  I had to re-download it and it was not the older version I had worked with before.  So I am continuing to figure it out.


So, I clicked on the desktop icon app opening up the program and this is what I saw:


In the tool bar, top far left is the option to "Add videos and photos"; so I clicked that, and 
a folder was selected of the photos I wanted to use.  (In my case a bunch of random pics of what I thought were neat artwork that I would later like to draw from as inspiration and do myself).


So, after selecting whatever pics I wanted to load onto Windows Movie Maker this is where I am.
NOW TO BE SURE: If there is music, special effects, or if you want to click on each individual picture [video] and change the length setting or blend or fade transition; WHATEVER it is that you want to do, you can do that now....
 I chose to leave everything AS IS, just still pictures with no altered effects...





So, leaving things as they are with no music or effects added... I clicked the tool bar, far right 
Save movie //Recommended for this project...











*SIGH*
I can not upload this video up to Facebook, but for some reason I haven't figured out HOW to have it on my Blog as of yet.


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Be True...



There is a love, grace and beauty
that touches the very depths of the soul
the smile, the hug or even the cry of a child
the smile bears hope
the warmth of an embrace its love
or a cry that begs both from you
remember that we were all once there
the turning point in all our lives were there
remember now in this moment you know
what you never understood then
is something God always knew about you
you are amazingly precious and a worthy thing
in that frame of mind should we 
in humility and love treat others.


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VENTURE INTO MY WORLD

VENTURE INTO MY WORLD
The Watcher's Book of Books