I'm Alive Now...

I was watching Jerry Lewis in an interview awhile back, and thought he made an interesting comment. Someone asked him how he wanted to be remembered, and he replied "instead of remembering me why don't you just live with me now."

Last week I went for an eye exam, took a few days off from work over an extended weekend; and when we got back my new glasses came in. I hadn't really had the luxury of having two pairs before, so this is a treat for me. But the funny thing was - as I was wearing the 'shades' I thought 'so what do I do with the regular ones?' After looking around a bit and thinking; my jacket gets tosed about too much, so does the backpack... So I ended up with the simple choice - stuffed the case in my chest pocket!
Suddenly, I could have been knocked over by a feather - "I've become my Dad!" WOW!

My dad always carried his second pair in his pocket. Just didn't look cool. Too much like a nerd's pocket protector filled with pens to me. Then, ha ha ha, I was suddenly doing the same obviously simple thing. Wow. How The Wheel Turns! The 'ol man had it right the whole time.

Why does it seem to be in our deepest human nature to "remember" people after their gone? Yet, in simplest of details we strive to go our own way, instead of learning or growning from others. Ooo how that use to drive me crazy - watching that very aspect in my own daughter. Humph, interesting how I'm no different.

Well, my Dad knows that I love him - "unmanly" as it is say - I don't care. I remember you now and always, Dad. Hopefully I will have gleened the best of your qualities, even in those smallest of details.

The Visit

After having some much needed time off I am eager to report I had one of the most refreshing weekends in quiet some time.

Seeing my Dad again is always a journey down memory lane, and anything to strengthen that bond is a good thing. Seems a billion years and liftimes away from Dallas, venturing west to the homeland of Brownwood. If I see myself in him I hope I age with the same clear out look in life.

I was able to reconnect with an "old" high school teacher; who proved to be anything but 'old'. Excited and thirsty for life; it was a sheer delight for me to be counted among her peers. Another dear friend, continues to be a constant source of inspiration and encouragement; visiting him at Church was a renewing experience in itself.

After our visit among loved ones we ventured up the road to Cross Plains, Texas and visited the R.E. Howard family home. Glenning lessons from a knoweldgable tour; and still floating on the high of a great visit among friends, I feel all the more encouraged to pursue my story of THE NEPHILIM AGE. If the crazy son of a local Doctor can follow his dream; surly I can manifest mine as well!

http://www.crossplains.com/howard/museum.htm

"The Gang"

Way back in the day, a thousand years ago; when I was in high school, I use to play an early version of Dungeons & Dragons! It's a role playing game. Using graph paper and pencil to map out directions, as a group of gathered adventures would roam through medevial storylines in over active imaginations. We acted out - what later became massively complex computer games - stories for our alter egos.

As I was 'coming out of the Watchtower's' influence I became aware, not only of D&D, but of larger friendships as well. Michael Cope, Paul Means, Shannon Love - who introduced me to my first "dungeon masters" Michael T. Smith & Donny Walker; and it was Tony Cox who first introduced me to the world of J.R.R. Tolkien's Lord of the Rings. Those names envoke powerful mental and emotional images for me; they were giants of encouragement and inspiration to me - just when I needed heros the most.

For me, the late 1970's were indeed my wonder years. Long before my awaking, Michael T. Smith had already experienced his own grand adventures in life. Before the advent of the INTERNET his circle of friends began to toy with an idea a little more ancient. THE SCROLL, was the concept where a paper of essays were to be circulated among friends. Those expressed ideas would be elaborated on by the readers, and finalized by an 'editor-in-chief.' Though it wasn't quiet earth shaking, nor original - for the concept was derived from various famous literary groups; yet, The Scroll was a bonding method for a generation of new 'deep thinkers.'

So, these many years later, THE SCROLL is disembarking into a new incarnation, via the internet. Every grand adventure must have have a beginning. . .

http://thescrollblog.blogspot.com/

_____________________________________

COMPAQ Rolls Royce

Oh! Seriously, no joking here; we just purchased a new computer. Our frist computer was an E-Machine; I would highly recommend one; wonderfully awesome - however, after have "moved up the the east side" and "finally gotten a piece of tha Pie!"

On our old computer (2.0 GB) we could only have one game, now with our new Compaq (60.0GB) not only do we have 3 games on the hard drive, and room for a gazillion more - LOL, just feel like a kid with a new toy. Figuring out XP is interesting.

http://www.msnusers.com/NEPHILIMagesites Some photoshop Pictures I've played around in making; most go to my "Story".

Gerrr, now . . . here comes the misses.... humm she's figured out that my excitment of all the 'bells and whistles' makes her gaming experience all the more Roaring I'll never see you folks in cyber space again!

So, when.... uhm not yet, just... a s e c.... dear the folks want to hear... about/

Yea, uh?

When is being blunt alright, and when is it just plan rude? Are "manners" even relavent today? When is being conservitive just plan obsessivly paranoid? And, liberalism - just too, 'out there'?

I know I've got older, but let's face it things are not the way it use to be. Drivers have no respect for one another, children run over parents, doors are left to close in the elderly's face... wow, guess I am getting old; 9 -11 must have changed more than we thought, 'eh?

Yea, uh? sup? wha-cha-want?

Where Have You Been?

Interesting, the things that go into making us 'Us.'

http://www.ci.irving.tx.us/ Irving, Texas; born here.
http://www.brazosnet.com/biz/olney/ Olney, Texas; child.
http://www.visitgraham.com/ Graham, Texas; child.
http://www.ballingertx.org/ Ballinger, Texas; most of childhood.
http://www.sanangelotexas.org/ San Angelo, Texas; youth.
http://www.ci.brownwood.tx.us/ Brownwood, Texas; teenager.
http://www.cctexas.com/ Corpus Christi, Texas; most adulthood.
http://www.dallascityhall.com/ Dallas, Texas; presently.

I was also a member of the ARMY TEXAS NATIONAL GUARD; stateside during the first Gulf War, 1990-1998, left as an E4-Spc.
[gerrrr or just google these...]
http://sil-www.army.mil/ Fort Sill, Ok
http://monmouth.army.mil/C4ISR/ Fort Monmouth, NJ
http://www.globalsecurity.org/military/agency/armyusachcs.htm Chaplains Corp
http://www.arng.army.mil/news/news_view.asap? Armory of Corpus Christi

What's your Link?

We all seem to have some favorite stomping grounds. There's a park we enjoy escaping to when the weather's nice. In my own "happy place" it reminds me of Middle Earth's Rivendale - well, kinda. There's just something refreshing about learning something new, or seeing things a little differnet than our usual preceptions that give us a boast of inspiration.

On the web, here are a few of my daily romping places:

http://about.com Because you can find - well, just About anything...
http://tiedyedbrainrays.typepad.com/blog/ Because, let's face it Tehuti is just a great guy to know!
http://www.pbase.com/merriwolf/assorted_ottawa I work with photoshop; and seeing some awesome places around the world is not only inspirational - but hey, a good place to swipe pictures, shhhh - don't tell.

SO, what is ONE of your most favorite places to surf, (and why); okay two?

No Time Off For the Wicked

I work sixteen hours Saturday, and on Sunday - with an eight hour 'lap over' day on Tuesday evenings. Been with the State for going on seven years now with loayal attendence, using my sick time off sparingly throughout. And just when I request a weekend off to go visit my Dad; they say nope. "We're shorthand, people have quit or gotten fired, and we're awaiting a new Orientaion group to finish soon;" all this said by those who just got back from their own three week vacation.

The grinding wheels just keep grinding - over the regular worker it seems. I've been asked multiple times to take leadership roles; I refuse to be another 'fall guy' - when it'll only increase my stress levels, making the pay that much more rediculiously painful to accept wouldn't be worth it.

Job satisfaction isn't what it use to be; working with individuals who need constant redirction in their lives, on a moment by moment basses is one thing, but continuiously having to battle the 'system' of fools who run it is defeating.

http://www.dads.state.tx.us/services/stateschools/Denton/About.html

Just rambling off steam here. . .

STORY: Comments Welcomed

REVIEWS, and Comments of my Stroy are Welcomed

THE NEPHILIM AGE

http://www.freewebs.com/neph_0/contents.htm

The SaLun Scrolls

http://thesalunscrolls.blogspot.com/

Cyber Addiction

I fell in "love" with the Internet ever since I first pluged into the Matrix back way back in the twenteth century, (1999). The ability to find almost any and everything. Have you Googled yourself? Interesting what "NEXT BLOG," or Search will bring your way.

I'm deathly afraid of the water, and seldom went to the beach when we lived in Corpus Christi; didn't help that one of the first time I got stung by a jelly fish. But I love surfing the web; just make sure you sift through all the bull, and dobble check things of importance your searching for online.

I've noticed burn out on the super highway, and random boredom on many sites. I'm stirving to make this a learning experience as well as working on networking. . .

HERE YOU TRY IT.......
http://tiedyedbrainrays.typepad.com/blog/
http://homiewitches.blogspot.com/
http://crynkle.blogspot.com/
http://honeyforoshun.blogspot.com/
http://archaeologist-pa.blogspot.com/


Hang on, it might just be one hell of a ride!

Always striving upward

Went to check on an application I had put in a week ago; giving it time to stew. "Oh, the postitions have all been filled, sir. You should have recieved a phone call or letter - ." Which means I'll probally get it tommorrow.
I'm glad I have my job, and arnt in a desparate need of employment, because that rejection really hurt my feelings. No, seriously - I feel awkward, even a little silly for having shared with people that I was trying for the placement. Well, I'm glad I'm only striving for something closer to home, and better; least I've got both a job and a home.
Those victims of the tsunami have lost everything. All the prayers, positive energies, and money can't change their changes; so, way over here in the good 'ol US of A I'm blessed with what I have.

http://msnbc.msn.com/id/6770278/?GT1=6065

A 6 year old job that keeps the collectors at bay, a nice car with all I ask it doesn't baulk, a wonderful wife who fuses after all my cares; family, friends and co-workers that think highly of me - or least don't cross the street to avoid me when I pass gas, lol.
So, all in all I've got a good life - always striving upward.

Watchtower Bones Survive

Watchtower Bones Survive

It's wonderful to go surfing on the web; no telling what wonderful gems you'll find, 'eh? It's been years in fact since the last time I steped foot in a Kingdom Hall of Jehovah's Witnesses;

http://www.watchtower.org/

and felt the cold chill of a better than you attitude served with Christian love. This morning I was surfing the web and came across an ExJw-ian site that thrilled my bones in seeing others who left the shadows of that cold Tower's decay. I applaud their courage in finding life beyond another's griped sence of morality. It's awesome to know that there are people escaping after 30 years of slavery.

http://www.jwinfoline.com/

http://www.dannyhaszard.com/

http://watchtower.observer.org/

In a lot of ways my story is about such personal growth and satifactions in life.

THE NEPHILIM AGE

http://www.freewebs.com/neph_b/ch1.htm

If you have never been in a relationship where total mind control and the power of guilt rules your every thought then you may have no idea of the joys of liberation. Abuse, and control come in many forms other than theirs, but it's the one I can relate to best.

To: Bob Snow, Doug Prescott, Jeanette Steweart, Ron Owens, Bera, Grace Gough, Jeffery M.Schwehen, Teri Lynn, Marsha McMillan, and the multitude of others searching and finding their own Paths to self awareness, and personal growth "you are not alone!" Others have gone before you, and others have yet to find such joy in freedom.

Blessed Be!

Beating Back the Shadows

I think we all have shadows of depression. Handling depression and the darknes that seems to suck all enjoyment out of life isn't easy - but it can be. I'm not talking the cronic illness type of no escape that lingers beyond the ability to function; seek professional help or medication and don't let any one try to scam you into the foolishness of beating yourself up when they obviously don't understand.

But the kind of shades that wash like waves over me at times, even on the most beautyful of days. I tried to commit suicide several years ago, in my youth, and the shades of that same emotional sucking whirl pool, like a black hole at time creeps back into my mind. Death, doom and gloom, a self pity, and self loathing that is "as black as a patch of midnight that had never been cleared away" remains an ever present foe. I deal with it daily. But most of the time I just laugh it off and go my merry way; respectfully aware that its power is deceptivly easy to be dismissed; yet eager to return.

I once shared with an individual 'how to do it' - and just at the point of their conversion to the notion, I revealed the power of over coming it. "Okay, now that the deed's done... what about the reaction of those left behind? "
The aftermath of our leaving never seems to enter the equation of our desire for the escape; largely, because, while we are in the mouth of the beast we are alone. We alone are all alone in the "night" of our personal making - yet in truth, every one of us at one time or another, to one degree or another have dealt with it. Unfortunately, what works for one is not a "one size fits all."

One of the best - and this comes from personal experience, mine and others - is to talk. Talk with the cloestest person to you, talk with a co-worker, talk in detail with the perfect stranger during those 6 min. at the bus stop, talk talk talk. Sure you can ride a horse, take a long car ride, or whatever, but in talking you find the greatest weakness of the monster of depression - that you are not alone.

If we all go to the bath room and sit on the pot, brush our teeth, eat, sleep, desire, hope, cry - then I guess it also stands to reason we all deal with degrees of depression. I am not alone. You are not alone. There once was a place before the depression overwhelmed you, the trick is in finding that place again. So, I guess the real question is NOT how do you manage depression, but - what is your Happy Place?

Waiting For Something To Happen

Seems like I've always had this "feeling" of anticipatation, like something BIG is just around the corner. Having been raised as a JW there was Aramageddon lurking just around the bend, as a Xian, the Rapture. Now, with 9-11 as a historical reference point we're all waiting for another attack.

I love that Star Trek movie "First Contact", where they time travel back into their past to the very moment of the Federation's beginnings. Maybe that's what we're waiting for. Real contact with aliens; to really know beyond a shadow of a doubt that we're NOT alone in this Universal existance. We're always looking up for something other than ourselves; someone to take the blame, someone to help out, some one greater, just some one other than us to commune with. Wouldn't it be fasinating!

Our luck first contact will be like Independence Day, with out the help of Wil Smith.

Stress Relief

I'm feeling so stressed out here lately - something, nothing, big things little things just stressed. Work is getting me down. Not the job, just some of the people - and I guess (LOL) just the fact I've got to work!

HOW DO YOU HANDLE STRESS?

Sometimes not very well - I think I'm cool headed; but when stressed out I become rather beligherant, rude, blurt the first thing out; yea sure I later apologize, get calm and rationaly discuss the issuses.

I enjoy working with photoshop, writting, web surfing, watching TV, the movies, chating with family, going on walks at the park, drawing... sleeping ,eating, then there's work again.

Ever ask the question? Is this all there is? When ya die ya go to heaven, then what? Sorry... these are just a few of the random rambbling rants in my non-tin foiled brain.

Now Back To You...

Your comments are encouraged. I'm still scribbling away, striving to polish up my Tale. Playing around with photoshop has helped me to find inspritation in details. So when I can I'll have to updated my text to reflect this - til then hope you surfers enjoy the pics as much as I got a kick out of pasting them together.

I ' m s o g l a d t h a t a l l the holiday hoopla is over; feasting, and family and joy is wonderful but all the merchendisiing of the masses gets like really old fast.

Hope your New Year is starting off on a good foot...