THE TROLL BRIDGE

   

   Turning back around, Fayendar realized he was all alone on the bridge.  His life was filled with choices: to go back or to go forward.  The choice was solely his alone.  His resigning smile pursed with resolution to press forward.  Life was about the consequences of his choices, and he had made too many of those, it was now time to face things as they were.  Deep inside, he felt as though he had been running away from something, trying to live a life that somehow was not even his own.  Now was the time to correct his course and follow what he knew was right.  From the bridge of Norwood he headed for the Gorge of the Talkers, as a side mission for Mereith.   It felt like a warning, wrought with yet a looming twist of its own...

...

WHEN

When it's over, it's over, and we don't know
   any of us, what happens then.
So I try not to miss anything.
I think, in my whole life, I have never missed
the full moon
or the slipper of its coming back. . . . . 

Mary Oliver

SWAWN p. 35

(One of my favorite books) 

.....

Remember...

 

 "...Twists and turns, open or secret, left or right; we all have paths that lead us to "bloom". ... We must not ever forget the joyous smiles along the lessons we've learned even when troubled times crushed them later, for they were there when we needed them the most.  Never curse the tears..."

~ Mereith to Fayendar

Parting at the Bridge of Norwood

.

Sunflowers radiate so much...

"A painter should begin every canvas with a wash of black, because all things in nature are dark except where exposed by the light."

~ Leonardo da Vinci

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Venting but not complaining

Things can always be worse, and better as well.  By comparison I enjoy my job now; as opposed to being in Direct Care, in that - so many things are different, (different begin less stress overall).  However, where the rubber meets the road reality I'm actually making even less money than I was before.  No longer having the second shift-differential ($150), nor being a Home Team Leader ($150); my pay has gone down by at least $300.oo.  So has the stress.  Where before Over Time was a "feast" of overwhelming hours, it's now a "famine" of underwhelming striving.

Deep inhale, "this too shall pass" as all things have had a way of working themselves out and balancing the way they need to unfold.  Feeling a bit overwhelmed at the moment.  From here forward I will be focusing on (1) working Over Time as much and when I can schedule it; (2) Packing and cleaning and prep toward moving day, [August 1st, 2016].  Yes I know it's a 'long ways away'; however, it's slipping away already.

I will pack up my stories, hard-copy writings, and crafts as they are all too distracting.  I may check here from time to time, but if I'm not here often...*sigh*    ...am I missed anyway?

http://www.apartments.com/lewisville-tx/1-bedrooms-1-bathrooms-500-to-600/

...

looking into this apartment... . .

UGH!!!!

Hate this 'searching' ...

Move 1st August 2016

http://www.forrent.com/find/TX/metro-Dallas/Lewisville

http://www.forrent.com/apartment-community-profile/1016784

bye

.....

Move forward

...

Stop looking at me..

...and just be honest with yourself instead. I am not perfect.  Just "Saved" by Grace because no amount of works I can do will ever amount to more than filthy rags.  I'm not 'self-righteous' and certainly not 'better-than-you', and if you think that of me you certainly don't know me or have a concept of the various paths my many wayward steps in life have taken me.  Instead of examining my life and all its faults as some kind of petty way of lifting yourself up, follow Christ instead.  Too many complain and call themselves unbelievers because of Christian Followers; they should be following Christ instead of his followers.  Examine him who he was.  Instead of constantly trying to belittle and tear down your perceived understanding of Jesus why do you be honest with yourself and start that investigation all over from scratch.  Why don't you just be honest and blunt enough, that you say you always are with everything secular in your life; and just turn that lens on Jesus.  Turn that view on yourself and then compare the two.  Instead of laughing and trying to find fault with me and others all the time; as some kind of twisted exciting fun way of justifying your own pet "sins", tastes, style and flavors - ask yourself why? Why do you really keep holding own to your own pet bitterness, and childhood baggage.  Stop and look at yourself instead of me and others. Find your own answers.  Sometimes starting from scratch is scary but it beats wasting the rest of your life; what have you wasted already.

....