My New ""Normal""

   I have a Mental Health Disorder; labeled "Bipolar".  Exemplified by grave mood swings and emotional bouts and manic depressive thoughts into the dark side. I know others that have been dealing with the manic side's horrific state for longer, and far worse than my experience.  Don't let that define you, they tell me; it's just a tag to categorized you into.  I take Lithium to level off the chemical imbalances in my brain.  Though I know far many more people who take more psychotropic drugs and for far longer than I have, I'm still sticking with the program. Don't let it define you, they tell me; it's just a medication you take to control your disorder.  Disorder.  My ORDER was always an illusion I can 'normal'.

   My new normal, AS A WAY OF SUMMERY UPDATE; so far, is becoming use to the medication - feeling numb.  If light drowsy, headed and dizzy, numb around the edges is my new normal I suppose I've got it made then.  No dry mouth, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, tremors, boils, hallucinations, no pill rolling, nor even any exaggerated movements - at this junction to report.

  So far, I've not cried or felt like weeping over old buried luggage that should remain discarded.  I am trying to "feel" again or least get use to feeling what "normal" is.  I... I've never been "normal" before.  I like being happy; trying to understand that one too.

   Don't let things define you; make your own path.  One neat thing is I thought I would not be able to write and develop a closure to my short stories; I think (I hope) I am becoming more focused to that end.

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My Pill Journey: *6

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   ** My Pill Journey; Guess I will start on day 6 crafting my thoughts here.
   This is day six into my Lithium journey.  I started taking two 300 milligram tablets of Lithium yesterday, and I took two this morning.  I called yesterday for a little clarification but the Nurse at my doctor's office never returned my call.  I am suppose to begin taking four tablets tomorrow, Monday.

   HOW DO YOU FEEL?
Okay. But how much is really the medication and how is my over worrisome active imagination; can't say.  Hyper-sensitively reading into everything. Feel I'm driving myself nuts trying not to go nuts. I know I need to just take it as it comes. Stressed.  Never taken meds before.  Never taken meds as powerful and "damaging" as this before either.  Physically (Day 6): I'm alright.  My stomachs rumbling; nervous about all this or just hungry? Coffee.  Not much of a breakfast person; had a banana with my two pills.  Seems like even that is changing.
  Starting on September 1st, with my new job as a Rehab Tech II, (a Supervisor at Life Skills workshop); the hours will be more stable: 8:oo AM to 5:oo PM.  My time for taking my med can at least be better regulated that's for sure now.  Funny, how we call them the "Pro-Staff" those who work in offices and have "regular hours".  Weird, thinking that I myself have become one of them; a "Professional Staff Member".  Strange how my job evolved into becoming my "career".

pills

I'm not above sharing. I've a Mental Health issue; they call it "Bi-Polar", (glad it's not quad-folder; my short lived Highs are too high and my Lows edge into dangerous depression). I'm also ugly, but some folks still like me; LOL. I'm new to taking medication. Guess I will have to purchase one of those weekday pill boxes, mark off calendar, carry a few extra with me? I don't know. I forgot to take my Lithium yesterday. Been reading up on the side effects and talking with Nursing at work; wow, gotten myself into something. Hope all those who are "concerned" about me are happy now. I was "happy" and "excited" the lat few days about getting a lateral change into another Department and position at work; now, *sigh* well - guess life is just life, and I can't 'spiral-out' when reality hits home. Praying, and striving to embrace a new "phase" that is Me.