APRIL FOOL - Is how I feel today. It's a feeling that I am slowly trying to get away from. Six years ago my father passed away; the day after April first, the day I had come back home from visiting him in the hospital. For two weeks I was a constant presence and fixture of the ICU waiting room. Camping out: sleeping alone in a freezing room, cushions lined on a floor, eating out of vending machines and bird baths from a restroom sink, and unshaved. But I was there. I was there visiting my dying father in the Abilene ICU Hospital for two weeks hoping beyond hope. Those last few years was the closest my father and I ever came to having a real relationship of sharing ideas and understanding.
Yet... I went home to take care of some paper work for FMLA, the day after April 1st 2008, I got word he was "gone". I'm beginning to feel less "foolish" but I still miss him greatly. He told me once that he was proud of me, and then again in the hospital just days before... I... I... know I haven't lived up to his high standard, but I see his face in the mirror every time I shave.