Last week our long time pet passed away, and we've been dealing with the depression of 'letting go.' Just yesterday my wife broke down, and gave in to her need for that special companionship again, as she and my daughter surfed the internet and found another dog. Liz bought her a seven week old, red, male poodle puppy. Since they are both huge Laurell K. Hamilton fans, she named the puppy after one of the Ware characters: Micha.
We took Micha out the Park for a hearty walk, laughed at his hopping prances, and giggled at his growelings as we three bonded. As much as we loved, and will continue to miss our April; Micha is by no means her replacement. Ones joy only sooths the sorrow of the others loss. There were brief moments when we shared memories of our last dog's bonding, as our new puppy's play held our tears back - I guess the getting on is helped on with the passage of time.
Mixed is all this mundane drama is the anticipated joys of my daughter's first child in a few weeks. "Shavanna Alise" - will be like watching my daughter all over again; as my wife, and I begin our turn of the Wheel as grandparents - such is the Joys and sorrows of our lives...
Seem kindness unwarrented, and those small acts are what really make the day worth drudging forward for, life's still interesting. Have you ever noticed that when you're late for work, or on a hurried errand out - that's just when you have to stop for the longest funeral line in history; it's then when you're given that oppertunity to show respect. Don't be like the idiot behind me the other day, honking and swearing. . .
My eyes hurt, my chest is sore, and words fail to do even the slightest justice to the emotions of moarning ones pain through weeping. I feel happy for those who have never wept; yet, as death enters all of our lives at one time or another - we all weep...
TO THOSE WHO UNDERSTAND................. Unless you have had a pet, for any length of time; where the passing of years endear them even more to you as a family member - you might not be able to appreciate their loss, and the pain of that losing. Thirteen years ago my wife and I selected from a poodle litter, one such pet who became that cherished member of our family. Early this morning "April" passed away. After three days of uncharacteristic behaviors, she struggled to stay with us; fighting the sudden onset of a resently learned heart disease. Though I have lost pets before to the sting of death; however, in all honesty I can truthfully say that none have ever made me cry so much, not their passing so deeply felt, as the loss of our beloved poodle. My wife and I will be married 23 years come April 17; this dog was with us for 13 of those years. So, to call her a "family member" is no light thing. Extremely intelligent, attentive to our mood changes, and more obedient than a child. Never have I gleaned more of an example of true, unconditional love, and friendship, than from this one animal. "Thank you, April, for having allowed us to be a part of your life," was one of the last things we told her, during her last night of labourious battle to hang on. I believe that if humans are blessed with an afterlife, then it must also be filled with such gentle spirits as our April. Through a tearful gaze my heart feels her beside my mother-in-law; as they both await their loved ones. -----------To all those who understand, I share our tears with you.
Along the surfings for interesting items I came across Blog Blahs, spamic advertisements for your unasked for enjoyment...
I don't know all the cirumstances of the Schiavo case; I know how I feel about myself - or even the critical care patiences I work around at the State School. I would not wish to "live" as she is now; however, what about care and recovery? What about the wishes of the husband, her family, or the many families who are similarly in her case? What about "death wishes," the elderly, mentally/physically disabled?
What about you?
Atop the lonely mountain, grew the Mighty Tree Shrine of Ra`More; the last sactuary of the elves, who remained in middle earth. That beloved inner sanctum held the last light of hope to a dying people. For there will always be those who cling to vauge ancient memories; amid an every changing world bent on forgetting, and all too eager for something new.
Along the way, the main character of my story, comes to a point in his life where he draws comfort among like-minded people. As with all those who seek refuge in the night, his people's wanderings find themelves atop a mountaion, refreshed by spring, and sheltered beneath thickly woven trees. Such is where growth, and rest are found.
Here is a picture from my story, THE NEPHILIM AGE; this is within the Great Hall. The main character leaves a religious sect that is very controlling, distorts the historical history of its people, and discourages indepentant thinking. The, still developing tale, is losely base on my on experiences in life; and leaving the WatchTower Society of the Jehovah's Witnesses. For anyone whose every been there, you know first hand truth is a shrouded corpse.
I came across some Black & White photographs on a Spanish web site; yeah, Okay - so, after 20 years in south Texas I didn't pick up enough spangelish to deciepher this site. But, it seemed like a well put together attempt; various articles and wonderful examples of some great artwork - okay, again - you got, Yeah so I'm stealing pictures for my photoshop program - sue me!
Just watched the last episode of NYPD Bluse on tape; very good, a nice closure; little teary eyed after twelve years. Kind of like saying 'good-bye' to an 'ol friend. I remember the last one of M*A*S*H, too.
Changes, moving on; transitions can be dualistic - happy and sad events, all in one. Moving to a new home, getting that new job, or the last years of High School - bitter sweet events. "The wheel in the sky keeps on turning..."
I remember a conversation I had with an old school friend, Shannon, back in 1979, on the eve of the 80s. We spoke of all the coming changes in the world and science: Moon Base Alpha, Jet packs, flying cars, Star Trek technology, all by the fantastic year 2000!
Well, here we are, 2005 already... Interesting 'eh?
About 02 my wife and I moved up north to Dallas, Texas, from the seasonly year round warmth of Corpus Christi, on the coast of Texas. We have friends and some distant family up here; of which we see little of by the way. A few months later, my 22 year old daughter joined us. A year or so later we moved to another apartment complex, and again, my daughter moved; this time as our next door neighbor!
Well, just a few days ago she and her boyfriend have moved once more, this time across town, a good 20 min. drive in hectic traffic. A really nice and spacious apartment complex I might add, with a tennis court, gym, pool, and beautiful lawns.
My daughter and wife are very close, more friends than parent-child; always have been. So, this move has really set in the "empty nest" feeling for my wife and I; however, I've prepared myself more emotionally than she has for it, yet she's taking it a little harder. Nevertheless, we'll adjust. Hey, there is a grandchild on the way, so we're more than sure to be visiting quiet regularlly.
It's just, that back in 79 we had absolutly no idea how much the world would really change: space shuttle explosions, 911, a War and all the things which led up to them. And that's my point. I had no idea whatsoever how my life would be at 40 years old. My concepts, and base experiences in life were so vastly different than those I've since aquired, and which have lead me to where I am now. The unfolding of the changes which make us who we are are slow and gradual, till one day you look up and see who you've become and say, "Wow, interesting..."
So, what's next? It's too early, but things are going well so far; only time can tell.