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On the way home last night, I got off the freeway and on to a main road. It was raining, and the roads were very wet; wipers going just slow enough to be annoying.

Suddenly the vehichle, two car links ahead of me - on my left, a dark blazer hit his brakes, turned a sharp right, then slid horizonally across in front of me. His hydroplainning threw his car across the street in front of me, flipping him into a nearby gully way. The Blazer jumped up afew feet into the air, flipped over, landed on its roof, then rolled over back into the watery ditch. It lay there lifelessly steaming with its mud glazed lights on; twitching wipers still going.

With my hazards flashing I pulled over - noticing I was the first one on the scene - ran over to the Blazer, and yelled if the driver was alright. After a paniced moment, I climbed onto the right side of the overturned hulk, as a hispanic male began crawling up, groaning out of the passenger's window. I assisted him out, limping and moaning back to my car. By that time three other passer bys stopped, I ordered for anyone with a cell phone to call "911."

The 27year old man, speaking as badly in english and my spanish was; that he was alright but obviously very shaken. He sat shivering in my car, trying to use his own muddy, broken phone to call for help. The other drivers ran up to help and finding that there was only one individual in the werck, were reassuring him that an ambulance was in route.

Soon they arrived, and assisted him to their waiting aid station; as we all left for our own careful lives. Strange how life can turn on a dime. I'm really gald that man had nothing more than a few burises and a beat up, overturned muddy car - it could have been a hell of a lot worse.

I was very pleasantly surprised to witness first hand how concerned others were in their quick responce of the situation; we always seem so quick to judge others, but it's nice to see some faith in your fellow men restored when a crisis hits home.

If ever the shoe is on the other the foot, and I'm the one in an accident I pray there will be that same eagerness and concern displayed on my behalf.

Childhood Forgettings

We've all said, "I remember when..." But for me, it doesn't seem to come so easy.

I have a very close friend who remembers things in such exacting detail that I'm just astonished. My childhood, on the other hand, is a vauge, uneventful blur at times.


I remember growing up as a child in the "Jehovah's Witnesses", and attending the Assemblies/ Conventions. I use to really enjoy the ones where the Dramas took place. There was this one, back in 1972 I think, where they had these models of Seriphims at the corners of the stage; huge, angelic beings - even huge next to the adults. I loved the dramas/plays. There was one about The Exodus; my Dad even recorded it on audio tape, and I loved to listened to it over and over again, reading along with it in the Bible, while looking at the photos of the stage, and those huge angles.

I remember as a kid; growing up I use to be the "doorman" at our local Kingdom Hall; I felt so honored. Welcoming others in to Jehovah's HOUSE with a prideful grin. I listened intently to every public talk (sermon), and was eager to raise my hand and answer every question I could during the WatchTower discusions. The other kids thought I was weird for being such a 'go getter.' As I grew up, the more questions I asked the more nervous the elders became; then after awhile, I was discouraged from asking so many things, and just told to acept "The Truths" and go on.

Then one day I did - just go on; and haven't been back since. I don't remember much; other than going door-to-door, the Assemblies, and attending the Home Book (not Bible) Studies, always being around other JWs, and encouraged to be a better example in the field service - rather than to go to college, or even finishing High School for that matter.

I never owned a G.I Joe, wasn't allowed to watch BeWitched!, didn't go to a football game, after learning - was later discouraged from playing the War Game: Chess, never had a Christmass gift, nor every worshiped the flag, nor even step mysef above others by having a birthday party.

I never 'cried' about not being like everyone else, because it was a badge of honor to be persecuted, different, and set apart from the world; only later as an adult did I come to terms with those losses and developed other dreams. I raised my own child to enjoy the things I never had; and encouraged her to devour her dreams and follow her heart's desire. It's a rare gift - to have something worth remembering - I think I gave my daughter that gift.

Eighteen was my time of awaking; I became a free thinker - by being accepted for who I was, by a group of High School peers who showed me the true meaning of love, caring, and open mindedness in simply being themselves. To them I will be eternally grateful for being my "Friends." For giving me a memory - worth remembering. . .




This Too Shall Pass...

Depressions is a bitch! Sometimes you just have to suck it up and Drive on. Where I work, with the mentaly "handicap," you learn real quick how lucky you are just to be 'normal.' With that said, depresion sucks.

Keeping bussy, striving not to get too bored, internet surfing, writing, reading, TV watching, walking the dogs, packing for our future move - and all the mundane crap inbetween - there's still that constant 'head talk.'

Several Bloggers out there come across as 'self centered,' but you know that's exactually what Blogging is all about - self expression, a way of rambbling out those random vents we have. Funny how I see so much of my self in the guy from Korea, or the girl from Nigera; funny how we all strive to be so different and yet inside we are all really just the same. We want to be heard. To be counted. To be loved, and thought of as important... I am, and I know you are too, don't give up on yourselves; because I can't, I still have too much to do.

"Coming dear!"

See ya later.....


The Right Reasons?

So, what would be the right reasons for War? Surely the principles that Bush advocates I stand behind; however, his roadmap isn't getting us there. Oh, where is BenLadin, again? That's why we went to Iraq, right?

The Warriors cry too

Against the War
The Warriors!


I've always found time travel fasinating. Wouldn't it be interesting, if poosible - to somehow; knowing what we know now- to go back into the past, not so much to change the world, but to at least make better choices in life, than our original blunders?

However, I think if time travel were possible; I think instead of H.G. Well's The Time Machine, it would be more like A Christmas Carol's third ghost. I think we could only be Time Observiors, rather than perticipants.

In fact many things I do in life are viewed in that vein. Prior to an important decision I use the phsychology of "what if I've now gone back in time to this very moment - and this is my second chance? To make things right." Somewhat a perfectionist attitude I guess, or just plain nuts, hum.

Any thoughts, anyone?


The World of the NEPHILIM AGE

Surfing the Blogs...

Some of the things I've come across on the "NEXT BLOG" button; so - you're bored, 'eh?

"Trapped by the Mormons" I got a kick out of this one, figures!

"Pompousitus," Like the rest of us reaching out, a voice that needs to be heard!

STUFF in an person's life; interesting to me...

Corpus MMothra; interesting...

Pelican Post; intering views on news items...

"AndStill I Rise;" a Wonderfully written personal blogging...

One girl's fasinating journal of Heroin use... interesting...

Movie Project; a Bloggers movies comments...

"News You Can Use" Items in the news and comments...


Where's GOD when you need him? Seems the moral rights are more than willing to be the conscience of God when they feel you've steped out of line. God always seems to be arbutray to me - I mean, reguardless of the opinion, the religioninst are quick to give the 'thou shall nots.' Instead of the overwhelming negativites of religionist why not think outside the small mindedness of man?

I remember when I was a kid, there was this certain house on the way to school. The front lawn was crubed with a stonewall - I swear remembering it came shoulder high. Funny thing is, years later I had the chance of visiting the old homestead; that wall barely came up to my waist. I think I change, I grew up.

My point is, I think we change, our prepectives, taste and opinions in life grow, mature or just change over time. Look at the way science, and cultures have changed over the thousands of years. Even, nature has evolved from its original design.

Yes... I belive in a Grand Designer; however, I think it's very foolish and small minded of us as frail creatures to belittle one another in forcing others to subscrib to some standard of rules of what GOD is, and what GOD is not. I think - not only is GOD bigger than the box, but I think even the box is beyond "him."

"Him" how silly we are to genderize Deity. I "feel"Deity is beyond our limited concepts, and we should not be so eager to judge others because their lables don't match our own. It's been said, (by the apostle Paul), " When I was a child I thought as a child, when I became a man I put away childish things." When will we ever grow up.

I still question things; I was once trained as a child to lable wrong, is that wrong to question? My Dad taught me, "If you don't ask questions, son, you'll never learn." Why is the sky blue? Why do we have to go anywhere - when we die? Who made God? Are we the only planet with life? Do others in the universe have a God concept?

Where's God when you need him? Where was God during the tsumani, on 9-11, and when I needed him most?...


To be fully given over to - whatever it is - that drive, and purposed filled goal; that, first thing in the morning thought, and the last before your head hits the pillow. That's the drive to be manifested.

I resently purchased and viewed the film, The Whole Wide World; a memoir about Robert E. Howard. The story, the actors and their words were so packed with inspiration. A dear friend of mine, Tehuti, has a photo of himself standing outside the Howard home, with the 'spirit' of REH beside him. That picture has been my computer's wallpaper for awhile now. It personifies my inspiration. To be a writer. If I publish nothing at all, I at least wish the world to have The Nephilim Age, because in it lies my heart and soul. A journey of fulfilling an inspired driven life.

There are moments and glimses in everyone's life where each of us have had an epiphany, a vision of simple clarity where everything make sence. That's what I wish to capture in my story; yet how the mundane world changes and pulls us into its confusion for other priorites. Struggling for purpose. "Living" has been the hardest thing for me, as an individual, to do. Suicide, doom and gloom, and the wearing down of myself in order to be flexable and caring of others has always been a strugle to win; though the winning is rewarding, the struggle is real, and on going.

To those who know, and read-between-the-lines of my stroy; they are my inspiration and many thanks go to them. Weather it gets published or not, the writing does me good.


The Watcher's Book of Books