Uncovering all the Organizational lies of The Watchtower was very liberating. Learning Scriptures on my own and desiring to grow, learn and share was so hampered as a Baptist because the enthusiasm of being such a sponge seemed to turn others off as their own desires had died as the baptismal waters dried.
I thoroughly enjoyed my Pagan learning experience and embraced it as best I could, but an experience in a personal journey for answers only brought me back to Christ. For what was fascinating is not so much the biography of Jesus in the synoptic Gospels but how Paul enlightened a much broader scope on what that life meant. Yes it is great and wonderful to read, study and learn the life of Jesus and heed the examples of a perfect life lived. Yet to view that as transcendent to its real meaning all these years later in our "modern" lives is powerful.
The Pagan Community and the Christian community are worlds apart in their view of GOD and that view manifests itself differently in the behaviors of its adherents. One views the other as Liberal, promiscuous without morals and the other is viewed as judgmental and bitter. I was raised with a Black and White worldview, yet as an 'adult' have come to believe that there is an awful lot of Grey in life. Truth is somewhere in-between Religion and Science and neither have the totality of Truth because they are tainted by the human element of arrogance and change.
I have always been a Seeker, ever since I was a small child I always heard "God" talking to me; a voice in my heart I could never completely block out in my darkest of days. GOD has always been there for me. After I stopped running from him I only realized I ran to where he had been waiting for me to arrive. Amazing. Life is a funny thing and others who view our journey don't always see the twists and turns that develop us in to who we are, and yet to become. Each of us develop our "purpose" for being.
I have always believed and viewed myself as a Servant. Sometimes I have only served my own selfish interests, but those days have been unfulfilled and left me feeling drained, empty and thirsty. In living up to my self-view of being a Servant I have always felt happier living in a manner that was helpful and giving to others in their need; I got back the joy seen in their eyes.
Working with the Mentally Handicap, helping a complete stranger change a tire, aid folks from a burning home, teaching a kid to swim (even my own); has always brought greater joy than watching others Serve. Allowing the Spirit of Christ's servant-hood is not a judgmental bitter thing. There is a higher calling to bliss beyond the base desires of the flesh, and for far too long I've neglected His calling in my life.
I am truly truly sorry that my Pagan friends fail to understand that there is a deeper joy to be had when I look beyond myself. My God is the one who teaches me to love and care not only for the planet, the animals but for my fellow man as well. No man has greater love than to - give back, instead of keeping all for himself. Christ gave it all as our example to do the same.