Ending In Death...

"The End of the World is at Hand!" "The end of this wicked system of things is Near!" "Armageddon Cometh!" I - don't think so. . .

Since a small, extremely impressionable young age of six, I was bred and ingrained with these notions of 'doom and gloom' ever present in my life, like the threat of a bedtime boogy man. "You had better act right; or you wont make it through Armageddon into Paradise Earth!" Just as every good Catholic must have been admonished with the dammable curse of 'going to hell!'

I really can't tell you what I believe - BUT, I can sure as ... tell you what I don't Believe. "Beliving" is an expression of ones convictions, opionions. I no longer allow myself to firmly hold on to the doomfilled fear of Death; being some powerfully, griping skeletal hand reaching out to snatch away my existance. I use to worry constantly. "What if's" were an erosive cancer that ate away the very inner walls of my every thouhgt; I rejoyced in sharing my guilt with anyone who was near - even though they didn't care to listen, I'd weave my scared thoughts into their conversations, like some great moralist proverb they'd be honored to recieve.

Then I changed.

I realized, with an engulfing hallow feeling of loss, which welled up as inner laughter and spontanious outward giggles, and weird grins that - "ya know, I'm not the only crazy here; others are just as confused and messed up as I am, LOL {Laughing Out Loud}. What thu F- was I thinking, AnyWho?"
Not that all the morality right and wrongs were hogwash, mind you, but that all the trapings thereof were just a way of lock stepping individuals into the 'masses.' Surely "the truth", "reality", "real meaning in life" was not wraped up in making others feel bad, opperesed with gloomed filled guilt of someone elses precieved 'sins'.
Just as no one can say they "know how you feel" - no one can say "belive what I do;" for it is ultimatly between the Believer and the Creator. As an artist, sight would be the most horrable gift I could ever lose; I would gladly acept blindness - than blind faith.