The Crimson Catharsis???
Well what I mean by that title is, I seem to have come full circle in my "spiritual" walk. I've returned to Christianity. Crimson refers to The Blood of Christ. Catharsis refers to my "renewal" of spirit.
I have not yet "formally" joined a Church, though I have somewhat been attending a Pentecostal one. I have really need that type of enthusiastic energy. To be Born Again is a resurgence of the Soul and touching of Deity that can not be a natural thing. The Holy Spirit alters your course in a way that only searching for more of that Spiritual High experience can bring real joy. The downer is expressing that "craziness" to others who think you are odd. LOL I've always been viewed as odd, so I'm not deterred. Emotionalism? I use to think so, but I think it's more than that. We are all emotional creatures, and me personally so.
I see things so clearly now. It almost hurts exactly how clean I do see things now. Honest and clear, and glaringly so. Real things. Google Earth clarity!!! Everything is so small, all our petty emotional selfish desires and politics. It's almost frighteningly amazing how clear I see through to the heart of matters now; maybe that's why I am overwhelmed by wanting to go back to being distracted. Yet the truth of things has always been there pulling my attention to the Center.
Since I accepted THE ONENESS of it - I no longer hear conflicting voices calling me to follow the wind. I no longer wish to kill myself over the ingrained negativity of childhood experiences long ago left in the dust of the past. I no longer desire to drive people off the road or follow them to their homes and kill them in the night, or waste my co-workers under a spray of gun fire.
WHAT I do feel now is an overwhelming sense of peace. A Bliss that passes all understanding. Yes I am an emotional person who cries when I'm sad but not to the brink of desolation and despaired of depression's blackest pit! Sure I get upset but not to the point of insanity's blinded focused rage.
God is good. God has always been there in my life. Regardless if i turned my back on "Him" or not. Where ever I have gone, even in an attempt to escape Deity always met me where I was. No, I am not Deity; just as frail and in error as you my reader. When we put labels on Deity we limit the Universal Creator's unknowableness. Yet for me, I 'envision' my hands cupping a handful of water. I know it is just a handful of water, yet there is something profoundly inspiring to know that it is indeed the very Lake in my hands as well. So too is my personal view of GOD, indwelling in the personal expression of the very human Jesus of Nazareth who encased GOD as the person within. I can see clearly now the rain is gone, it's going to be a bright Sun shiny day!
.
I see things so clearly now. It almost hurts exactly how clean I do see things now. Honest and clear, and glaringly so. Real things. Google Earth clarity!!! Everything is so small, all our petty emotional selfish desires and politics. It's almost frighteningly amazing how clear I see through to the heart of matters now; maybe that's why I am overwhelmed by wanting to go back to being distracted. Yet the truth of things has always been there pulling my attention to the Center.
Since I accepted THE ONENESS of it - I no longer hear conflicting voices calling me to follow the wind. I no longer wish to kill myself over the ingrained negativity of childhood experiences long ago left in the dust of the past. I no longer desire to drive people off the road or follow them to their homes and kill them in the night, or waste my co-workers under a spray of gun fire.
WHAT I do feel now is an overwhelming sense of peace. A Bliss that passes all understanding. Yes I am an emotional person who cries when I'm sad but not to the brink of desolation and despaired of depression's blackest pit! Sure I get upset but not to the point of insanity's blinded focused rage.
God is good. God has always been there in my life. Regardless if i turned my back on "Him" or not. Where ever I have gone, even in an attempt to escape Deity always met me where I was. No, I am not Deity; just as frail and in error as you my reader. When we put labels on Deity we limit the Universal Creator's unknowableness. Yet for me, I 'envision' my hands cupping a handful of water. I know it is just a handful of water, yet there is something profoundly inspiring to know that it is indeed the very Lake in my hands as well. So too is my personal view of GOD, indwelling in the personal expression of the very human Jesus of Nazareth who encased GOD as the person within. I can see clearly now the rain is gone, it's going to be a bright Sun shiny day!
.
No comments:
Post a Comment