VIVID Dreamer...

I know we all dream, every night. Seldom am I awakened by some plesant sexual fantasies hovering at dawn's early break. Usually when I dream - or am awakened by the ones I remember - they are vividly real. Techni color, surround sound, wakingly real. I dream in HD-IMAX reality; when I remember them, sometimes it's difficult to realize when I've been shaken awake. Sweating, crying or screaming in a start.

Writing this a 4:30 am because I can't sleep, and the dogs doing their morning thing of needing out...

I had a dream. A real one. But - with this, for some strange reason, I was very cogntive I was dreaming, and the emotional waves were stayed.

IN MY DREAM:
I was at my mother's funeral, sort of. She was there, sitting on the front pew nicely dressed comforting me. Reasuring me that it was alright that I had not been able to attend, for she had in fact passed away a few years earlier. Suddenly no longer in the quiet sureen funeral home I was sitting beside her as she foamed at the mouth in convulsions beneath an oxegen tent fed with many tubes, wires, and monitors among a chaotic hospital setting. The scence became very graphic, like something out of ER mixed with Alien - mind you, it's a dream?

Then my mother-in-law wakes me up with a fresh brewed cup of coffee, smiling that she's fine, and to let my wife know that our grandbaby is "the cutest thing in the world." Betty passed away in 1989. Then I 'really' woke up to the dog barking at the light in the bathroom? Weird critter...

I believe in the physco babble that our dreams are our conscience way of reordering our thoughts and feeling into a symbolic manner for dealing with internal stresses. I am not a violent person, nor do I tend to watch all the gorey movies, or games yet my dreams are vividly bloody and emotionally charged. But this one wasn't. In trying to write my dream down it was rather like grasping at smoke before it faded, difficult and nothing as emotionally distrubing as the nightmare itself. All of this I am kneely aware of and very use too, what bothered me about this one was - it didn't bother me.

I am secure in my feelings of an afterlife - whatever happens will happen; no amount of knocking on doors selling books, no amount of money in the offering plate, pleading for Jesus to Save me, no matter how many baptismal pools you arise from, no matter how many times you pray a day or which way you face, you can never out give or out do or make a Deity do whatever it is you hope to gain in their glorious realm. So, I am content with just living in the here and now building whatever Karma my experience wheels for me. My only fear is in growing so aged that I become a febled, pain rideden burden on others and hated in the end and remember for that instead of for who I am striving to become now.

Dreams are a fasinating thing to me, bloody and vividly real as mine are, I now its just a thing - like so many, its to be experienced, placed in context and move on. . .